Mismatched
by flowerling18
Summary: AU. The world's greatest detective is enlisted to retrieve the lovable superstar's stolen diary. A romantic comedy featuring L & Misa!
1. Chapter 1

_AU. The world's greatest detective is enlisted to retrieve the lovable superstar's stolen diary. A romantic comedy featuring L &amp; Misa!_

This story is told in 300-word chapters or "drabbles" as they are popularly called. I discovered this format of storytelling from my favorite FFnet writer, forthright. I will try to update at least twice weekly!

* * *

**Mismatched**

L yawned as Matsuda yapped about a new case he insisted was worth taking. The bored detective managed to tune out most of it, until his cohort clamped down on his shoulders and yanked him right out of his happy place.

Cotton candy dreams and icing trimmed visions crumbled. "What?" L yielded.

"_L. _We _need _this case," Matsuda asserted. "Just _look_ at us. We're barely scraping by, and every day I find something else that needs replacing. Don't forget, your precious coffee maker is about to kick the bucket too."

To be sure, the hulking computer monitors, duck-taped couches, and coffee-stained rugs hardly befit the headquarters of the world's most talented sleuth. The place was a scuffle away from falling apart. Frowning, L replied, "Fine. What is it?"

With a sigh of relief, Matsuda explained, "This client is a world-class celebrity who's lost something very precious. She wants you to bring it safely back to her."

"And what could this prized possession be? A diamond necklace? A kidnapped puppy?" L wondered in a monotone.

"Actually, it's a diary," answered Matsuda, who seemed to enjoy L's dubious expression with relish.

"_I__'__m sorry? _Is our client a twelve-year-old who spends her allowance money on private investigators?"

"Nope." At that, Matsuda grabbed a magazine on the kitchen counter and thrust it toward L's face. On the cover was a pretty blonde model wearing a daring mid-riff and a million-dollar smile. "Her name is Misa Amane," the giddy policeman said. "She's the best in the biz, and now we get to work for her!"

L rubbed his feet together, tutting. "Politely turn them down, Matsuda. This doesn't interest me."

A sharp rap on the door interrupted Matsuda's rebuttal. Smiling deviously, he said, "Too late. They're already here."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

L wasn't sure who made a bigger impression: the dazzling vision of Gothic Lolita charm who shimmied in, or the 7-foot-tall mass of muscle and intimidation who loomed behind her.

"L, meet Misa Amane and her bodyguard Rem. Misa, Rem, this is Detective L. He already knows a bit about the case, and said he'd be_ delighted _to help," Matsuda cooed. He winked, and it was all L could do not to round kick his face to oblivion.

"Kya! Thank you so much, L-san!" Misa squealed as she seized his hand in an iron grip. "Matsuda was right when he said I could count on you!"

Fixing bleary eyes ahead, L muttered, "Ms. Amane, with all due respect, I will have to turn you down. You see, my firm handles cases of a more grievous nature. However, if you happen to have an aunt who was, say, mysteriously murdered over the weekend, then we'd be in bus—"

"This is _not _child's play, detective," the bodyguard interrupted icily. Her glare was impressive with just one eye, making L shudder to think what she'd look like without the eye patch. "That diary is an Amane heirloom. It's likely worth more than _you__'__ll _ever be."

"Relax, Remmy," Misa soothed. Undeterred, she fished out an envelope from her purse and offered it to L. "You will be paid in advance, and then more when you get the diary back."

L fought to keep a straight face when he saw the amount on the check. _So many zeroes! _Then, there were other numbers to consider. _If I decline, there is a 15% chance I will legitimately break this girl__'__s heart. More troubling is the 25% chance her bodyguard will break my neck._

He had no choice. _Screw it. _"Alright, I'll do it."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Once upon a time, the world's most esteemed detective presided over a steel sanctuary from which classified data, elite officers, and choice desserts mobilized and flowed at the touch of a button. Everything was perfect. That is, until Chief Soichiro Yagami of the NPA came traipsing into his domain.

Yagami deemed him too confrontational, too calculating, and altogether too _panda-eyed _to make a good partner. His intellect was far inferior to L's, but his unflinching bravery and sense of justice earned him the loyalty of many. In the end, L decided to leave after he realized he was actually beginning to _defer _to the Chief. He had walked out with Matsuda in tow, who only worked for him because he possessed a few, ah, compromising photos of the policeman from a goukon.

Which is how he ended up starting a private firm from scratch, hoping it would gain enough of a reputation so he could cease playing errand boy for careless celebrities, politicians and businessmen. Reluctantly, he began to interrogate his newest client. "So, tell me about this diary. What makes it so special?"

"Well, Rem calls it an heirloom, but it's only been around maybe three or four years."

"It's an heirloom_-in-the-making," _Rem clipped.

"I guess," Misa shrugged. "I'd never actually read or written in it myself!"

"Then what makes it something worth stealing?"

With a sly grin, she muttered nonchalantly, "When you write a person's name in the diary, the person will die within 40 seconds. Without fail."

L scoffed, but Misa only met his gaze serenely. As the seconds ticked away in silence, the detective found himself incredulously wondering if she'd said the truth.

It was then that Misa burst into giggles, her jarring laughter like a slap to the face. "Ha! Gotcha!"

* * *

**Author's Note: **This is the definition for "goukon" which I filched from Wikipedia: _Group dating is a modern pattern for dating where a group of single men and a group of single women organise a night out, with the hope of forming romantic partnerships. It is most popular in Japan, where it is known as g__ōkon._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"You should've seen the look on your face!" Misa laughed. "Everyone knows the Death Note is just some urban legend. It would be cool if the diary _was _one, though."

L resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Well, _that's _a relief. At least we can cross out 'play God and kill thousands' as a potential motive," L said, his voice oozing sarcasm. Then he pressed, "Amane-san, what _do _you know about the diary, then? If you haven't read it or written in it, then what—"

"The contents of the diary are not of your concern, detective. We only need you to bring it back," Rem urged suddenly.

_Red flag. _L studied the stoic bodyguard, whose expression betrayed nothing, though she probably knew _something_. _I wonder what secrets this pudgy-nosed, purple-haired giantess of a chaperone is hiding. _"Are you trying to make me pry into the matter, Rem-san? You've already sparked my curiosity; you'd only need to ask."

Rem started dangerously, but then Matsuda swooped in with cones of mint chocolate chip ice cream in hand. "Er, here's something to cool you down. Compliments from the detective!" he quipped with a forced laugh.

"Eh? Ice cream?" Misa wondered.

"Yes! We have cake too, if you want. Sweets make up the only major food group in L's diet, which is why that's all we stock up here," Matsuda chuckled.

The superstar eyed the dessert with disdain, but seemed intrigued by this tidbit about L. "Detective, you know how they say 'you are what you eat'?"

L cocked an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Well then, what does that make _you_?"

"A genius whose brain demands high metabolic upkeep?"

"I was thinking more like someone who's really _sweet _beneath a hard exterior."

L must've blushed from his ears to his toes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I know it seems a little weird to tell a story in such small chapters, but it's actually a really fun challenge that I intend to carry out to the end! Please be patient; things _will _get interesting, I promise. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Well?" the model asked, all thick lashes and pretty pout. "Am I right?"

L gulped and mumbled, "I suppose that remains to be seen."

"Kya! I like him already!" Misa squealed. "See, Remmy? I _knew _it'd be a good idea to bring the case to L-san!"

"Please, just call me L," L said sheepishly.

"Tell you what," Misa began, "if you bring back the diary by next week, I'll go out on a date with you!"

"Misa, it's not necessary to offer such an incentive," Rem chided, her face a study in deadly calm.

The celebrity only giggled. "Oh, Remmy. I hope you're taking notes; maybe one day, we can land you a boyfriend too!"

Matsuda gasped, and then… _Church bells. _L saw his life flash before his eyes as the chagrinned bodyguard shifted her gaze from Misa to himself._ She's going to take it out on me! Oh, why must the good die young—_

L flinched when Rem spoke with frightening composure. "Detective," she seethed, "I can only tell you this: the diary was most likely stolen from Misa at the Conrad Hotel, when the paparazzi mobbed her near the entrance. You might spot the culprit by reviewing the surveillance footage." At this, she stood up stiffly. "For right now, that is all you need to know. We'll be taking our leave."

Rem collared Misa and practically dragged her out the door, but the superstar wriggled free long enough to deposit the ice cream cone in L's hands. "Here, it's all yours, L," she winked. "I'll see you soon!"

When they left, L gave the ice cream a good lick. Matsuda continued to gape at him.

"L," he said, "were you _flirting _with Misa-Misa just now?"

"Actually, you could say I was flirting with Rem," L chuckled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Er, I don't think I follow," Matsuda said doubtfully.

"Misa is the key to earning Rem's cooperation," L mused. "It's obvious that the bodyguard is quite attached, and she wouldn't refuse Misa anything. We win Misa over, and Rem will have no choice but to let me in on her secret. I'm going to find out what's in that diary no matter what." A resounding _crunch _of the ice cream cone punctuated his statement, then he frowned.

"This isn't the Belgian waffle cone I like," he mumbled between bites.

Matsuda ignored the complaint on their confectionary cutbacks. "Are you asking for an early grave?" he snapped. "I don't think the bodyguard is anyone to be trifled with."

"When did you learn what 'trifle' means?"

"_Wow, _really?"

Beaming, L replied, "Anyway, let's get to work. I'm sure you have background reports on our clients?"

At this, Matsuda rallied himself and procured a folder from his desk. "You betcha! Alright, let's start with Misa-Misa… Born Misaki Amane to geologist Fleur Dupont and chemist Ichiro Amane. Both respected and renowned in their fields; passed away two years ago in a plane crash." He skimmed the document, then his eyes widened. "Misa graduated from To-Oh University with a degree in Psychology. And her measurements…"

L couldn't decide which was more amusing: the fact that Matsuda's face had colored a shade shy of their burgundy couch, or the fact that the report contained details about Misa's figure. "Well?"

"35-24-34," Matsuda blustered.

L whistled approvingly. He grabbed the check from his desk and handed it to the policeman. "When we're finished later, buy me a top-of-the-line coffee maker. And cake." After a pause, he added, "and get me a nice shirt, too. Something that'd be nice for a date."

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**Author****'****s Note: **I know that Misa isn't supposed to be the brightest bulb in the box, but I've always been appalled at her lack of characterization in the series. I will be refining her character somewhat in this fic while not straying too far into OOC territory. Thanks for reading! Would love to get feedback as well, if you can spare the time. *wink*


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Armed with a racket, sweatpants and a scowl, L marched to the tennis court determined to give his semi-regular tennis partner a whooping.

"L! Ya ready to lose?" Aizawa shouted from across the court.

L smirked, knowing his opponent's tennis skills were much less impressive than his afro. "Such optimism, Aizawa. I do hope _you__'__re _ready to buy me a pie for every game you lose today."

A few more insults and empty threats were thrown around before the actual tennis began. L's ruthless ace set the tone for the rest of the match; he played like he was out for blood, if the nearly maimed Aizawa had anything to say about it.

The detective was a homebody, but frustration and boredom didn't become him. Unfortunately, the twin evils were difficult to escape in his dingy office, where he had no crimes to puzzle save for a stolen _diary, _for crying out loud. A mass murder mystery with a side of peerless criminal genius would've been nice, but those were as elusive as Aizawa's bad hair days.

As he caught the next serve with a fierce backswing, L let his thoughts wander to his firm's latest catch. _At least she__'__s agreeable enough, _he pondered. _Possibly smarter than she lets on, and definitely easy on the eyes. _He smiled at the thought of taking her out for a date… and then learning the deep, dark secret of her inheritance.

L and Aizawa were in the middle of a heated rally when the policeman all but dropped his racket and gawked at something behind him. "Aizawa, what—"

"L! That was _so _cool!" a voice squeaked.

L turned, and there she was, an alluring vision of pink sporty charm flaunting… a pair of fluffy white wings.

_Speak of the devil__… __er, angel?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Clad in a figure-hugging, baby pink tennis outfit and a ridiculous set of angel wings, Misa blinked, then giggled beneath L's mystified gaze.

"That was some _amazing _tennis!" she praised. "I wouldn't have guessed you were such an athlete!"

L shrugged and suppressed a boyish smile. "I am full of surprises, Amane-san."

"I don't doubt it! And please, call me Misa." She looked over L's shoulder and gave Aizawa a wave. "Afro-san! Good job holding out against this beast!" she shouted.

_When will this woman stop being so amusing? _With a chuckle, he said, "What brings _you _here, Misa? And why…" he gestured at her bizarre get-up.

"Oh, I'm doing a photo shoot as _Sakura Monthly__'__s _'Blooming Tennis Angel.'" She did a twirl, blissfully ignorant of L wincing at the nickname. "Do you like it?"

"It's, er… interesting."

She seemed poised to defend the gaudy costume when they both noticed Aizawa sprinting toward them. Obviously starstruck, he spluttered, "E-excuse me… are you _the _Misa Amane?"

She nodded, beaming sweetly, and to L's utter surprise, the policeman nearly _squealed. _"Misa-Misa! My daughter is your _biggest _fan!" he declared fervently. "She'll be thrilled when she finds out I've met you!"

"Aww, thank you, that is so sweet! Would you like an autograph?" she offered humbly. Yet again, L was taken aback. _No trace of arrogance, unlike the celebrities I__'__ve worked with before._

"_Yes! _Please, that would be wonderful. Ah, but I have nothing to write on," Aizawa remarked woefully.

"No worries! We have a spare portrait I can sign."

"Thank you so much! I—"

Moving to embrace Misa was Aizawa's first mistake.

The second was fighting back when he was suddenly accosted by the bodyguard, who appeared more than happy to pummel _both_ men to pieces.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

It became a grueling exercise in diplomacy for Misa to keep the bodyguard and the policeman from clobbering each other. L would've found it entertaining, had Rem been less inclined to extend _him_ a share of the punishment.

Eyeing Rem warily, L thought, _I could probably take her if I really had to. _Naturally, he ignored that his knees were knocking just _ever _so slightly. He gulped. _Not a big deal._

When it was all said and done, Aizawa triumphantly walked away with a signed portrait of a modestly dressed Misa (and only a few bruises to boot), while L found himself having coffee with the relieved celebrity, her pacified chaperone standing a few paces away.

"So, is tennis what you like to do for fun?" she asked brightly.

"No, _work _is what I like to do for fun," he muttered after a sip of sugary coffee. "Tennis is just for letting off steam."

"We're in the same boat then! I _love _my job," Misa chirped. She drank her tea, then cast her cookie a disapproving pout. "Do you want this?" she said, already moving her treat to L's plateful.

L would've normally loved the gesture, so he surprised even himself when he grabbed Misa's hand. "Don't you ever eat dessert?"

She shook her head and confessed, "No, I try not to. I'm rather prone to love handles."

The detective raised an eyebrow. "Life would literally be quite bland if we refused ourselves a few indulgences. C'mon, I _dare _you to take a bite."

"But, I—"

"Misa-chan, one cookie won't hurt. Besides, even a _double chin _would look cute on you."

The model huffed incredulously at the suggestion, but she didn't back down either. L thought he saw her blush beneath her make up as she bit her cookie.

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**Author****'****s Note: **Thank you lovelies for reading _and _leaving such nice reviews! Y'all are making it even more of a joy to write this fun story. Hope you continue to read and enjoy!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Matsuda tried not to make a face when he opened the door for the odd trio. The panda-eyed hunchback, vivacious goth, and imposing giantess had turned enough heads on their way to the office; the last thing L needed was another blithe guess at which convention they'd been to.

Instead, Matsuda brandished a videotape proudly before them. "I've secured the surveillance footage we need!" He ushered them into the living room and played the tape, which showed a crowd of reporters and cameramen pressing against an undisguised Misa.

Slipping off her jet black wig, the model remarked, "See, _this _is why my wig collection has grown quite impressive over the years." They watched as Rem struggled valiantly to keep the paparazzi at bay. When a reporter dared to lay a hand on Misa, Rem swiftly intervened… and left the celebrity wide open to a blonde-headed bystander.

"There!" L and Rem exclaimed simultaneously. "Matsuda, a better angle, please," L instructed.

The policeman nodded, fast-forwarding the video to a different shot of the same scene. Misa lost her balance and dropped her tote bag when she collided with the man, who then caught her shoulders as she staggered. It took all of two seconds for him to retrieve the bag, but even an amateur would've found it no mystery. Still, something rubbed L the wrong way.

_Can it really be this easy?, _he pondered. _It's as if the culprit is just asking to be caught… but why? _A sudden squeal interrupted his train of thought.

"Kya! I remember him now!" Misa swooned. "That guy looked so _dreamy._"

"Misa, he's likely the one who stole the diary," Rem chided.

"Well, that doesn't make him any less of a cutie!"

L grimaced. Yes, this definitely rubbed him _all_ the wrong ways.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I've deleted and reposted this chapter because it doesn't seem to show up publicly. Fingers crossed this'll work now!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

L studied himself in the bathroom mirror. The detective rarely perused his own reflection, but what he saw made him start. Without a doubt, tenacious eye bags, pasty skin, and a question mark for a spine spelled anything but "dreamy."

_Well, if I slept more I__'__d look better. And if I ate vegetables__… _he shuddered at the idea. _Okay, perhaps nothing so drastic. _He turned sideways and tutted. _Why must kyphosis and __peerless deductive skills come as a package deal__? _Tentatively, L tried to correct his posture by standing up straight, only to squeak at the sharp pain that shot up through his back.

L sighed, inwardly berating himself for being so concerned about his looks. He couldn't remember the last time it mattered to him… or the last time he developed a crush on a girl. He reckoned it was someone from Whammy's House during his teenage years, though he couldn't recall what she looked like. _I suppose if I exhaust the alphabet I__'__d eventually get who it was. Definitely not Z, though. That girl was _freaky.

L stuck his tongue out at himself, then stepped out to rejoin the others. It wasn't the time to contemplate past romances. They had a clear lead, and the case would soon be nothing more than a quirky addition to his CV. He found Matsuda scrolling through a page on the computer. "ID'ed our mystery man yet?"

"Yeah, it wasn't exactly difficult." Matsuda zoomed in on a picture of their suspect smiling beside flasks of colorful chemicals. "He's Light Yagami, a chemist working for Yotsuba Pharmaceuticals. Something of a hero against drug abuse, apparently."

"Yotsuba, you said?" Misa asked. "That's where Otousan worked most of his life."

The detective arched a brow at this revelation… and watched the bodyguard turn ghostly pale.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_I__'__ve officially known one too many Yagamis in my lifetime._ Quelling his dismay, L decided to push his luck and see if his client might divulge more pieces to the puzzle. "That is most interesting, Misa-chan. Do you think they might've been colleagues?"

"It's possible," Misa shrugged. "Otousan worked in the R&amp;D department. If Blondie-san is a drug chemist, then I have no doubt he knows my father."

L flashed a look at Rem. Her blanched face was schooled to look impassive, but L knew she was anything but. _She__'__s nervous now that the diary__'__s been linked to Ichiro Amane__'__s work at Yotsuba. _"Perhaps the diary contains some of his research notes, something that would be covetable to a chemist?"

"Maybe… but wouldn't it be weird if Otousan didn't leave those at the company? I'm sure it'd be patented stuff anyway, and he wasn't exactly one to sneak and scheme."

Naturally, L had toyed with the idea in his mind, but he didn't expect the celebrity to make the same surmise. _Beauty and brains__… __a dangerous combination. Still, it seems like we__'__re both in the dark here. _The bodyguard remained uncharacteristically quiet; she was likely holding her tongue to appear as if idle speculation was beneath her.

After a brief silence, L said, "Matsuda, arrange a meeting with Yagami-san. I wish to speak with him about the diary _personally._"

"I will be present to collect the diary, should he possess it," Rem quickly added.

"Can I come too?" Misa chimed in, eyes twinkling.

"No." The bodyguard and the detective exchanged looks, then she gave him a slight nod.

Ignoring Misa's vehement protestations, L thought, _Dreamy-san won__'__t be wooing anyone under my watch__… __but he _will _be singing like a bird when I__'__m done with him._

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**Author****'****s Note: **Surprised that Misa seems so sharp? I really thought her character in the original series had so much potential, and I refuse to render her a dumb blonde in this story. Besides, in this universe, our favorite pig-tailed celebrity isn't lovesick over a serial killer, so she's decidedly a saner version of her canon self. *wink*


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The detective idly tapped his fingers on his knees as he assessed his quarry. The excruciatingly polite chemist who sat across the coffee table looked nothing like a PhD and every inch a J-pop idol. Neatly swept bangs, trendy clothes and stunning looks belied his genius… and made L's stomach turn. _Yech._

After introductions were made, L had assumed his favorite sitting position and garnered a puzzled look from Light Yagami. "If you don't mind me asking, why do you sit like that, L-san?"

"It boosts my ability to catch criminals red-handed… _especially_ those who hide in plain sight," L snorted offhandedly. Rem cleared her throat behind him, while Light only managed to look more amused.

"Detective, why exactly am I here?"

"I'm working for a client who lost a black, leather-bound journal a few days ago. Does that ring a bell, Yagami-san?"

"Ah!" Retrieving a notebook of the very same description from his satchel, Light wondered, "Do you mean _this?_"

Rem almost pounced on the diary before L could even blink. She inspected it meticulously for several moments, then proclaimed, "This is it."

"Wonderful! I'd assumed the owner to be this beautiful celebrity I bumped into a few days ago at the Conrad. I'm glad you found me, as I had no clue how to get a hold of her_. _Well, is there anything else you require of me?"

L scrambled for a reason to detain the scientist. _I still know next to nothing about this diary! _"Er, I had a few more questions—"

"Hello! Ready to order, gentlemen?" a woman suddenly chirped. L glanced at the red-headed waitress, reached for a menu on the table, then promptly did a double-take.

Rem's voice positively dripped venom. "Misa, what are you doing here?"

* * *

**Author****'****s Note: **Sorry it took so long to put this up, you guys! The first week of the semester was _crazy _busy. Updates will be more sporadic now that I'm swamped with work and school. I hope you'll stick around to see what happens, though! *wink*


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Misa blinked innocently in her seat as Rem muttered death threats into her phone. Mogi, the man who'd been tasked to guard the celebrity, was apparently still unaware his charge had escaped. Mentally, L hoped his doomed soul would rest in peace. _Hell hath no fury like a royally pissed giantess._

L tuned out Rem's colorful language and returned his attention to the unique opportunity before him. There was 15% chance his client would become thoroughly smitten with the dashing chemist, but leaving the mystery of the diary unsolved would be just as loathsome. Gulping down uncertainties, he said, "This is Misa Amane, my client. Misa-chan, this is the chemist who found your diary."

"Kya! Thanks for giving it back to us!" the celebrity enthused. "My parents would be happy to know I didn't lose it after all."

"You're most welcome, Amane-san." Light flipped his bangs in true boy-band fashion. "By any chance, are you related to the late scientist Ichiro Amane?"

"Indeed! I'm actually his daughter."

The surprise on Light's face looked so genuine, L was tempted to believe the chemist had no ulterior motives. _But this whole situation seems far too calculated to be a mere coincidence._

"I'd thought so. I'm so sorry for your loss. Ichiro-san was one of my colleagues at Yotsuba. He was a brilliant scientist and human being, and I truly looked up to the man."

Misa's smile was tinged with sadness. "Thank you. He really was an amazing person."

"Ah, by the way, those are his initials on the diary, am I correct? Did it belong to him?"

L struggled to contain his disbelief. _He might as well tattoo __'__Captain Obvious__' __on his forehead!_

"Yes! You're curious about it too, huh?" Misa chuckled. "Let's take a peek, shall we?"

* * *

**Author****'****s Note: **So instead of committing amino acid structures to memory, _this _is what I did before bed last night. Oops. Also, I wanted to give a quick shoutout to **Mekakucity **and **electroma89 **for leaving such smart, thoughtful and lovely comments! You guys seriously rock, thank you! :hearts:


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

L gasped. Rem jumped. Light grinned. And Misa, tormenter of hapless bodyguards and detectives alike, opened the diary.

There was a collective intake of breath as heads crowded to find… nothing.

The diary was blank.

L watched her turn page after empty page with mounting consternation. _Is this some sort of cosmic joke? _He threw a scowl at Rem, who looked mildly surprised but otherwise unfazed.

"Isn't that anticlimactic!" Misa declared cheerfully.

Taking a page from the bodyguard's book, L asked in deadly tones, "Rem-san, did you know the diary was unused all along?"

"No," she rejoined. "I'd only been asked by Amane-sama to guard the diary, not to know its contents." Her eyes narrowed as she warned, "You would do well to remember your place, Detective. Now that we have the diary, we are no longer in need of _you._"

"Well, at least _one_ good thing has come from all this!" Misa chimed in, eager to dispel the rising tension between her companions.

"And what would that be?"

"Don't you remember, L? You get to take me out on a date!"

Light nearly spit out his coffee at this revelation. He fought to wipe the smirk off his face but ended up snickering anyway, the crude bastard! Unconcerned about the insult to his courting abilities, L would've let the matter drop… but Misa had other ideas.

"Is there something you want to say, Yagami-san?" she purred.

"No, I apologize. It's just—I didn't think you two… You would, ah, make a _unique _couple, indeed."

"I'm not sure what you're implying, but I don't like you judging my friend," she sniffed. "Besides, I would pick L over you any day; you're almost prettier than me!"

L blinked at her incredulously. _Did the damsel just rescue her knight?_

—

**Author****'****s Note: **I'm sorry this took such an abysmally long time to post, you guys! My brain has spent most of its time in soup form due to excruciating study sessions (and League of Legends sessions, *cough*) recently. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The ruffled chemist was uttering profuse apologies when yet another woman crashed their meeting. Stumbling shyly into their corner of the cafe, she muttered, "L-Light?"

"Kiyomi," the chemist greeted a bit too stiffly. L saw irritation flicker across his face for a split-second. "I thought you'd be staying home today. By the way, everyone, this is Kiyomi Takada, my fiancee."

The mismatched trio eyed Takada with renewed interest. Cropped hair, porcelain skin and delicate features were no doubt lovely to behold. For his part, however, L couldn't shake the feeling that something about her was… off. Could it be the way she constantly wrung her fingers as she swayed on her feet? Or the ill-concealed shadows beneath her eyes? _She looks sort of__… __scared._

Just as the thought occurred to him, the woman seemed to make a complete 180. Her eyes cleared, all symptoms of anxiety dissipated. "Hello everyone!" she lilted. "I apologize for interrupting, but I need to speak with my fiance in private."

The chemist couldn't be happier to oblige. Within moments, he'd fled and rid himself of the nosy detective, whose mood began to sour at his glaring lack of progress.

_An empty diary. A fishy chemist. An unstable girlfriend. And Amane-san__'__s work at Yotsuba__… _What he wouldn't do to connect the dots! _Looks like Matsuda__'__ll have to do more snooping around__…_

"Well, that lady was rather strange," Misa commented lightly.

Without missing a beat, L quipped, "Indeed, but you know what's even stranger? How you insulted Blondie-san on my behalf."

"It was only half-true!" she giggled.

"Please elaborate."

"He wasn't all _that_ pretty. And he's so obviously an unnatural blonde! Maybe I should've given him my stylist's business card…"

And because men shouldn't blush, L laughed until his sides hurt.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Fiddling with the collar of his dress shirt for the hundredth time, L struggled to remember if he'd ever been more uncomfortable in his life. He knew that dates warranted a proper attire, but oh, the _shoes! _His feet felt like island colonies engaged in a revolution for autonomy. Still, nothing was more nerve-wracking than the prospect of a romantic rendezvous with a _superstar._

The one thing that gave the detective solace was the fact that Matsuda's unease seemed to far exceed his. Pacing restlessly, the policeman muttered, "I _cannot _believe… you cruel, heartless… want me to _die…_"

"You'll be fine, Matsuda," L remarked blandly. "Just work your boyish charm."

"If I don't make it out alive, tell my family I love them," Matsuda wailed.

"Sure. Any other last wishes?"

Matsuda gaped at him in disbelief. "You're _really _going to make me—"

"Matsuda! L!"

Both men turned to face the celebrity and nearly had to shield their eyes from the glow of her excitement. Dressed in a new Lolita outfit and a cropped blond wig, Misa appeared even more chipper than usual.

Beside her, the bodyguard looked more lethal than usual, too.

All attempts at civility on the part of the detective were promptly snuffed. "Let's just get this over with as soon as possible," Rem hissed at L.

"Aww, but Remmy, won't you give us some privacy?" Misa pouted.

"Indeed, I promise to take _very _good care of her," L added slyly.

He would've been hurled across the street for saying as much, but Matsuda quickly intervened. "A-Actually, Rem-san, I was hoping w-we could… err… grab some coffee while they go out."

Misa's jaw dropped, while L suppressed a snicker. Rem took a moment to register his words. "_What _did you say?" she finally answered, voice low and menacing.

* * *

**Author****'****s Note: **I've just realized that Pages has been lying to me this whole time. The word counter on this program is utterly messed up, so the past chapters likely deviate from the desired 300-word format. Sigh. Rest assured I'm using a different word counter now. Anyway, I hope y'all continue to read, review and enjoy!


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